Thatta Kedona

The Eternal Message: The Elucidation of Islamic Philosophy, Life and Spiritualism by Anese Majid Khan

Rani from Thatta Ghulamka Dhiroka – A Love Story by Ulrike Vestring

Thatta Kedona, The Village of Toys by Ulrike Vestring

A Village in Southern Punjab by Ulrike Vestring

Thatta Kedona-Village Toys from Pakistan by Senta Siller {48 p., ISBN 3-922878-85-4, ã 1994, DGFK (German Society for the Advancement of Culture), Berlin in Cooperation with Anjuman-e-Falah-e-Aama, Thatta Ghulamka Dhiroka and SPARC (Society for the Promotion of Art and Culture), Lahore}

50 Jahre Pakistan, 1947 – 1997, Special Issue by The President of the Federal Republic of Germany, Prof Dr Roman Herzog, The Federal Minister Foreign Affairs of Germany, Dr Klaus Kinkel, H.E. Gul Haneef, Ambassador of Pakistan in the Federal Republic of Germany, President of the German-Pakistan Forum, Dr Christian Ruck (MdB), introduction by Dr M. Saeed Chaudhry, Vice President German-Pakistan Forum, and articles by Dr. Christian Wagner, Dr. Klaus Klennert, Lt.Gen.(Retd.) M. Assad Durrani, Admiral (Retd.) Iftikhar Ahmad Sirohey, General Alain Lamballe, Prof. Dr. Annemarie Schimmel, Dr. Juergen Frembgen-Javed Jabbar, Dr. Senta Siller, Prof. Dr. Norbert Pintsch and Prof. Dr. Pervaiz Iqbal Cheema} [174 p. ISBN 3 – 922 878 – 31 - 8, ã 1998, DPF (Deutsch-Pakistanisches Forum), Bonn in cooperation with DGFK (German Society for the Advancement of Culture), Berlin

Marriage is an institution, though sometimes it can feel like a mental institution. When yet another argument about your unwillingness to have kids follows hot on the heels of a fight about the laundry you forgot to do, it’s natural to feel like you’re going a little crazy. Don’t fret. Spending so much time in another human being’s company will necessarily result in bouts of temporary insanity. The key is to not let these moments of marital madness wreck what is otherwise a healthy and loving partnership with your spouse.

The first step is to recognize that you’re not alone. All marriages are imperfect and most of them are imperfect in exactly the same ways. The list of marital problems you encounter in a healthy marriage isn’t so long and most of them are pretty manageable.

Ask Men has narrowed the list down to these top 10 marital problems. Read here. 

People subconsciously lower their voices when trying to woo attractive members of the opposite sex, according to new research, reports Geo.

Both men and women lower the pitch of the their voice when they want to signal that they are attracted to another person, researchers found.

The findings dispel the idea that women adopt a higher, more feminine tone when they find a man attractive, like the stereotype damsel in distress.

Instead, they are more likely to put on a husky voice such as that of the television presenter Mariella Frostrup or the actress Joanna Lumley.

Researchers said the ploy is of particular use when talking over the phone, or even in voicemail messages, where non- visual and non-verbal forms of flirting - such as fluttering eyelashes and wry smiles - will not work.

A team from Albright College in Pennsylvannia tested 48 male and female students, asking them to look at a picture and then leave a voicemail message for the person in the image.

The more attractive the person in the photograph was deemed to be, the lower lower the tone of voice used in the message, said assistant professor of psychology Susan Hughes.

She told the Journal of Nonverbal Behaviour: "We found that both sexes used a lower-pitch voice and showed a higher level of physiological arousal when speaking to a more attractive opposite-sex target."

Women choose a voice that society suggests men will find attractive and it is not a high pitched feminine one, she added.

"There appears to be a common stereotype in our culture that deems a sexy female voice as one that sounds husky, breathy, and lower-pitched," said Prof Hughes.

"This suggests that the motivation to display a sexy/seductive female voice may conflict with the motivation to sound more feminine.

"When a woman naturally lowers her voice, it may be perceived as her attempt to sound more seductive or attractive, and therefore serves as a signal of her romantic interest."

For the first time, women have earned the majority of doctoral degrees awarded in the United States, according to the annual survey of U.S. graduate enrollment and degrees conducted by the Council of Graduate Schools.

In the 2008-9 academic year, 50.4 percent of doctoral degrees were awarded to women, a finding that the survey said reflected larger trends in higher education. Over the past 10 years, the annual rate of increase for doctoral and master’s degrees awarded to women has been consistently greater than that for men.

In addition, women earned 60 percent of all master’s degrees awarded in the 2008-9 academic year, continuing to lead in that category.

The majority is not consistent across all doctoral disciplines: women earned only 22 percent of degrees in engineering, and only 27 percent of math and computer science doctorates. However, women represented 60 percent in the social and behavioral sciences, 67 percent in education, and a full 70 percent of doctoral recipients in the health sciences — the field which also showed the greatest one-year increase in applications overall. It is also the first year in which women earned the majority of doctoral degrees in the biological and agricultural sciences.

At the same time, the rate of increase in graduate enrollment was greater for men (5.2 percent) than for women (4.4 percent), breaking a long-term trend. But those numbers are not a harbinger of a larger trend, said Nathan Bell, director of research and policy analysis at the council. They indicate simply that “men are not abandoning graduate education,” he said.

The economy likely played a role in last years’ results, Mr. Bell said, with the recession having a particularly significant impact on men’s decision to pursue graduate education. Ultimately, “it really wasn’t a surprise” to see women earn more doctoral degrees than men this year, Mr. Bell said: looking at the data over the past decade, “it was bound to happen.” While the rate of increase may perhaps not be as steep as in the past, Mr. Bell predicts that “women will continue to earn the majority of doctorates” in the coming years.

Overall for graduate programs in 2008-2009, first-time enrollment was up 5.5 percent, while total enrollment was up 4.7 percent. Internationally, however, first-time enrollment fell to 16.5 percent from 18 percent.

— REBECCA APPEL

New school at Oxfordaims to train future leaders

Politically speaking, it has been a good year for the University of Oxford. After the British elections in May, the university saw nine of its alumni enter the cabinet — including the prime minister, David Cameron — and at least 117 take up their seats as members of Parliament. But now Oxford is hoping to expand on its reputation as a boot camp for British politicians by introducing its new Blavatnik School of Government.

Supported by a donation of £75 million, or $118 million, from the industrialist Leonard Blavatnik, the school will be the first major institution of its kind in Europe and aims to “become the world’s leading center for the training of future leaders in government and public policy,” the university’s chancellor, Chris Patten, said in a statement.

The institute will be accepting its first students in 2012, and those on the course can expect a program that covers everything from law and democracy to public health and the environment.

The project, which is being launched Monday, is intended to appeal to a deliberately global market as it looks to challenge American dominance in the realm of political training. — EMMA CRAIG

Yvonne Ridley

I used to look at veiled women as quiet, oppressed creatures -- until I was captured by the Taliban.

In September 2001, just 15 days after the terrorist attacks on the United States, I snuck into Afghanistan, clad in a head-to-toe blue burqa, intending to write a newspaper account of life under the repressive regime. Instead, I was discovered, arrested and detained for 10 days. I spat and swore at my captors; they called me a "bad" woman but let me go after I promised to read the Koran and study Islam. (Frankly, I'm not sure who was happier when I was freed -- they or I.)

Back home in London, I kept my word about studying Islam -- and was amazed by what I discovered. I'd been expecting Koran chapters on how to beat your wife and oppress your daughters; instead, I found passages promoting the liberation of women. Two-and-a-half years after my capture, I converted to Islam, provoking a mixture of astonishment, disappointment and encouragement among friends and relatives.

Now, it is with disgust and dismay that I watch here in Britain as former foreign secretary Jack Straw describes the Muslim nikab -- a face veil that reveals only the eyes -- as an unwelcome barrier to integration, with Prime Minister Tony Blair, writer Salman Rushdie and even Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi leaping to his defense.

Having been on both sides of the veil, I can tell you that most Western male politicians and journalists who lament the oppression of women in the Islamic world have no idea what they are talking about. They go on about veils, child brides, female circumcision, honor killings and forced marriages, and they wrongly blame Islam for all this -- their arrogance surpassed only by their ignorance.

These cultural issues and customs have nothing to do with Islam. A careful reading of the Koran shows that just about everything that Western feminists fought for in the 1970s was available to Muslim women 1,400 years ago. Women in Islam are considered equal to men in spirituality, education and worth, and a woman's gift for childbirth and child-rearing is regarded as a positive attribute.

When Islam offers women so much, why are Western men so obsessed with Muslim women's attire? Even British government ministers Gordon Brown and John Reid have made disparaging remarks about the nikab -- and they hail from across the Scottish border, where men wear skirts.

When I converted to Islam and began wearing a headscarf, the repercussions were enormous. All I did was cover my head and hair -- but I instantly became a second-class citizen. I knew I'd hear from the odd Islamophobe, but I didn't expect so much open hostility from strangers. Cabs passed me by at night, their "for hire" lights glowing. One cabbie, after dropping off a white passenger right in front of me, glared at me when I rapped on his window, then drove off. Another said, "Don't leave a bomb in the back seat" and asked, "Where's bin Laden hiding?"

Yes, it is a religious obligation for Muslim women to dress modestly, but the majority of Muslim women I know like wearing the hijab, which leaves the face uncovered, though a few prefer the nikab. It is a personal statement: My dress tells you that I am a Muslim and that I expect to be treated respectfully, much as a Wall Street banker would say that a business suit defines him as an executive to be taken seriously. And, especially among converts to the faith like me, the attention of men who confront women with inappropriate, leering behavior is not tolerable.

I was a Western feminist for many years, but I've discovered that Muslim feminists are more radical than their secular counterparts. We hate those ghastly beauty pageants, and tried to stop laughing in 2003 when judges of the Miss Earth competition hailed the emergence of a bikini-clad Miss Afghanistan, Vida Samadzai, as a giant leap for women's liberation. They even gave Samadzai a special award for "representing the victory of women's rights."

Some young Muslim feminists consider the hijab and the nikab political symbols, too, a way of rejecting Western excesses such as binge drinking, casual sex and drug use. What is more liberating: being judged on the length of your skirt and the size of your surgically enhanced breasts, or being judged on your character and intelligence? In Islam, superiority is achieved through piety -- not beauty, wealth, power, position or sex.

I didn't know whether to scream or laugh when Italy's Prodi joined the debate last week by declaring that it is "common sense" not to wear the nikab because it makes social relations "more difficult." Nonsense. If this is the case, then why are cellphones, landlines, e-mail, text messaging and fax machines in daily use? And no one switches off the radio because they can't see the presenter's face.

Under Islam, I am respected. It tells me that I have a right to an education and that it is my duty to seek out knowledge, regardless of whether I am single or married. Nowhere in the framework of Islam are we told that women must wash, clean or cook for men. As for how Muslim men are allowed to beat their wives -- it's simply not true. Critics of Islam will quote random Koranic verses or hadith, but usually out of context. If a man does raise a finger against his wife, he is not allowed to leave a mark on her body, which is the Koran's way of saying, "Don't beat your wife, stupid."

It is not just Muslim men who must reevaluate the place and treatment of women. According to a recent National Domestic Violence Hotline survey, 4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period. More than three women are killed by their husbands and boyfriends every day -- that is nearly 5,500 since 9/11.

Violent men don't come from any particular religious or cultural category; one in three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime, according to the hotline survey. This is a global problem that transcends religion, wealth, class, race and culture.

But it is also true that in the West, men still believe that they are superior to women, despite protests to the contrary. They still receive better pay for equal work -- whether in the mailroom or the boardroom -- and women are still treated as sexualized commodities whose power and influence flow directly from their appearance.

And for those who are still trying to claim that Islam oppresses women, recall this 1992 statement from the Rev. Pat Robertson, offering his views on empowered women: Feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Now you tell me who is civilized and who is not.

The Scotsman Adam SMITH (1729-1790), created the idea of a national economy with 'Of the wealth of Nations', 1776. His model is part of European history; he himself had never visited a different culture. Smith was the mastermind of mass production and believed in the idea that markets regulate themselves.

The Englishman John Maynard KEYNES (1883-1946) reacted to the catastrophic economical situation of the twenties with 'A Treatise on Money', 1946. His solution was that the state had to invest if private funding was not available. This applied to industrial countries of the time.

The German Karl MARX (1818-1883) analyses the state of his contemporaries in 'Kapital', Volume 1, 1867 and looks at the autonomy of money and its development into capital. The conclusion: the rich become richer. He only addressed the situation on the subcontinent marginally, backing his argument on little and incorrect literature; he realized his mistake, but did not react upon it, because he was only concerned with industrialized countries.

The Frenchman Frederic BEIGBEDER (1965- ), attacks the consumption-driven society in '99Francs', 2000, arguing that it is the product of the western world. The former advertising expert points out that we only value what we pay for.

These four examples only look at industrialized countries. They don't take religion, politics or society as defining factors of their arguments into consideration. The relations between people, the positions of women and children are not accounted for and therefore of no importance. The fact that these issues do play a role demonstrates how one-sided developments are thought of and written about and how they are then perceived as common knowledge.

The German Max WEBER (1864-1920) states in 'Die protestantische Ethik und der Geist des Kapitalismus', 1905, how the religion of the occident shapes the economy to such a degree that the latter turns into a religion in itself, -the truth of which can be found in many industrialized nations.

The Germans Theodor W. ADORNO (1903-1969) and Max HORKHEIMER (1895-1973) argue in 'Dialektik der Aufklaerung', 1947, that culture, by which they mean western civilization, has an inbuilt self-destructive mechanism, and highlight the boundaries. As sociologists, they don't point out the basic mistake of the exemplary country USA: unlike in European countries, one did not have to consider land rights in early economic dealings in the States.

People had to be fair-skinned; everyone else was regarded as ape-like creatures with no entitlement to any belongings. In this way production costs could be kept low, which ruined economic centers in Europe. This is reflected in literature of the time, i.e. G. HAUPTMANN or E.ZOLA.

Protestant ethics, as described by WEBER, was so successful, because fellow Christians managed to accumulate their capital by skimming the market between Europe and the United States - based on western culture. A serious debate between cultures never took place because the culture of the occident was regarded as the unquestionable benchmark.

The Frenchman Alexis de TOCQUEVILLE (1805-1859) reported in 'De la democratie en Amerique', 1835 and 1840, about his study trip to the USA. He was politically interested and thrilled about the American democratic system , which he regarded as the advancement of the French revolution.

His study does not explain how prosperity had accumulated; neither does it mention that property did not play a role in the beginnings. This does not mean to be little his efforts.

When we think of great classics of the occident, such as Thomas HOBBES (1588-1679), and his 'Leviathan' from 1651, or John LOCKE (1632-1704) with 'The Treatises of the Government' from 1689, or the Frenchman Jean-Jacques ROUSSEAU (1712-1778) with 'Du contrat social', 1762, or the Englishman John Stuart MILLS (1806-1873) with 'On Liberty' from 1859, - we realize that other cultures play absolutely no part in their works.

We note in amazement that even representatives of other cultures argue on the basis of thinkers and philosophers of the western world!

This is not surprising because the elites of other countries were educated within the western system without questioning its values. On the contrary, they were and still are busy helping to ruin their traditional cultures. They don't believe that their own culture might be of economic value and follow the example of their western teachers, in whose countries traditional culture can only be found in museums or in form of artificial events with purely economical purpose.

Karl Marx's ideas are finally on the right path after years of misunderstanding. When he writes about the lowering of wages by the capitalists in order to employ cheaper labor, he could not foresee the situation in developing countries of today, but the result remains the same.

We are on the way to - this time global - impoverishment? In our era of globalization, when presidents are encouraging a dialog between native activists and foreign investors, it is time to question these campaigns in the light of history.

European nations boldly and coldly divided the African hemisphere in about 1889. Africa was turned into a massive formation of colonies, without consulting the people concerned. On the one hand it wouldn't have been in vogue at the time - this expression is used specifically and deliberately; on the other hand: the people concerned were underdeveloped.

A side note: when the colonization of the new world began, the land was deserted; there were no people around, - apart from a few 'primates' (see above).

An after effect of the French revolution was the liberation of South American colonies from Spanish reign. This chronological head start compared to the African developments contributed to the creation of different kinds of mistakes. However, at the time confidence prevailed as they were looking up at their role models in Europe - we know today that these role models were mirages.

The partition of what is known today as Spain and Portugal in the 16th century was a fine symbol of faith - with disastrous after-effects. It appears that it is unnecessary to ask those who are concerned when it comes to matters of faith.

If we look at the present situation in the western world with a distance, we can see the following state of affairs:

1. The amount of jobs is declining; - production is transferred to countries with cheaper labor.

2. Unemployment rates in industrialized countries differ due to creative methods of presenting the statistics when in fact living conditions are deteriorating.

3. Decreasing taxes reduce the possibilities of governments; libraries, theatres, etc. have to close down. The after-effects are declining amounts of funding for international organizations and for bilateral projects.

New product ideas fail due to global developments. Whether a product is already in the making or still in the planning stages, it is much cheaper to manufacture in Asia (or China respectively).

This matter of fact ought to result in a return to traditional roots and to a reshuffle of production methods in a way that it would not be profitable for industrial manufacturing. Besides, only a unique product, characteristic of its region will make a profit.

It is therefore paramount to rethink the strategies in order to secure a future outside of industrial manufacturing in times of dwindling public funding.

Creativity is key when production costs become too high. The saying rings true that even a fool can make things happen with lots of money, but a lot of intelligence is required to tackle the opposite scenario.
A good example for this: the foundation of a university requires considerable funds from public as well as private sources.

Tax money is involved directly or indirectly in any case. In the past one could count on an annual increase in tax income in central Europe. But what happens if a new situation occurs, like stagnating, or even declining public income?

In Keynes' and his successors' times the (pseudo-)solution was to raise a credit from the state. Others believed in saving, which usually didn't pay off in time.

Meanwhile a lot has changed in global economics - other countries are producing much cheaper, even industrially. The cutback on jobs and the movement of labor, as well as the relocation into cheaper countries suggest themselves, as taught in second semester business studies. It pleases the shareholders and shifts problems, just like it was practiced in the past.

But times have changed, and what used to be practical and appropriate is not suitable anymore, a radical rethink is necessary.

Let's return to our university example. The planning would probably be completely different if one was aware of possible difficulties in establishing a new university. One would consider running costs from the start. There's a technical chance to optimize costs on a higher level through facility management - the insider knows, it's all about minimization!

In practical everyday life, the politically active only needs to make use of a consulting team to procure missing and unpleasant arguments, as learnt in second semester business studies.

Shrinking systems with declining income need to rethink radically - as mentioned before - but how? The establishment of network systems can help to cut down on capacities. In our example of a new university, the logical step would be to get existing institutions to take part in a collaborative project, rather than investing huge sums. These co-operations allow for a reduction of expenses and help both parties: the - formerly - private, now state funded university provides the framework; the affiliated institutions provide their space and benefit from the university status.

Both parties can exist quite independently. The local market can be used to produce alternative equipment in the case of technological start-up difficulties, rather than having to import machinery. The use of alternative technologies linked with a social network system is an important precondition for the necessary changes. It is a solution for the time after the economic growth hysteria. The 'neutral' rediscovery of traditional cultures and practices is vital to solve problems of the presence.

We should honour the ones we need, at least for the short term! This is difficult at times. It is a relief to know that one cannot generalize, everyone's different after all. In this case we shall discuss a certain kind...
The wealthy like to hang out in so-called service clubs. Those who have gained prosperity through honest actions can confidently miss out on this. But the 'hardworking' individuals who trick people into investing their money under the pretext of safety should be struck by something - if not by lightning! One can obviously argue that the consulters carry some responsibility as well, since 'it needs two to tango', which is true. In this case however, we have our sights on the selected few of the service clubs. Projects are funded with their help, - humanitarian help is written all over their flagship events that serve mainly to promote themselves. The humanitarian aspect is not so altruistic if it allows for a hefty tax reduction.

Short-sightedness and thoughtlessness lead to these kinds of image boosting PR events, the root of the problem is forgotten.

One can throw a party once a year for example, invite a lot of poor people, provide something decent for them to eat and to drink, maybe even have a conversation, one can feel good about oneself and demonstrate sympathy for the underprivileged at the same time.

One can also provide a lot of machinery for poor people living in problematic areas, so that they can use more electricity and enjoy life.

If one was to look at the roots of the problems, one would have to question one's own existence! Could that seriously be the way?

Obviously not! One therefore confines oneself to reaping profits and consoles one's conscience by giving some of it away. After all, one is a good human being and the world is meant to see that.

Long time ago, in the Middle Ages, one could pay for one's indulgences. Getting to heaven was costly. One did not want to miss out. These days, developments in politics, society, economy and religion mean that a minority can live like it is heaven on earth.

Therefore it can only be right and cheap to share some of the reaped. So that certain elites can show how they are doing good deeds. The poor are to blame for their situation anyway, but we want to show that we haven't forgotten them. But please, don't step closer, or it might get critical...


Author Prof Dr Norbert Pintsch, Voluntary Director, TTTC TGD (and CAT) can be approached here: pdp33@hotmail.com

The landlord comes and laments his problem. This time it is not the work load in the office, also not the mother who is still in coma and he is no more interested in the increasing noise in his otherwise calm and quiet neighborhood. The air pollution? Today he ignores it. There was thunder and storm, which has cleaned the environment. The problem of watering the grass has been solved by natural. The storm has caused an electricity breakdown and there is also no water. However, the food in the refrigerator will not become stale because it has become cooler and the fine dust –to be found everywhere – is settled for the time being.

The farmers in the countryside still do not have many tragic problems. One eats before sunrise and before going to the mosque, works hard during the day, hardly drinks anything, and finds a shadowy place to rest in the intervals. If its the fasting month, he fasts -- no problems.

Now, what is worrying the landlord although everything is functioning so smoothly? The family! The relatives have lesser time for each other. He would gladly meet them more often, talk and speak with them, but he must spend all his time in the office sweating himself to work and on weekends, he must relax and care for his body and health. He doesn’t want to lose his job to the medical insurance. Not even for his children he has enough time, he laments. He has not seen his cousins in a long time, the last time they saw each other was when the father died, three or four years ago. One is so alone. How lonely still it would be, were it not for his brothers living in the same house and under the same roof with their wives.

Should he take the car and visit them in the creeping traffic? It would be an unreasonable demand! Petrol as well as everything else has become so expensive.

The fifty, hundred or two hundred kilometers, like Sargodha, you know, or Sialkot, how easy it is to go over to them, the landlord thinks, and looks sad. He moves away from that thought. The prescribed medicine must be taken regularly after every three hours. Speedy recovery !

Krasimira Dimitrova, a psychiatrist from the northern city of Ruse, gave birth by caesarian section on May 5 to twin baby girls, named Mary and Jacqueline, who each weighed less than one kilogramme.

Her pregnancy was the result of an embryo transfer, Dimitrova told the newspaper in an interview, adding that she was initially impregnated with triplets but doctors decided to remove one of the embryos.

"Age was not an obstacle for me... I so much wanted to have children," she said.

Dimitrova, who is soon to retire, said that she was resolved to become pregnant after the authorities refused to let her adopt a child because of her age.

"I would not like to look too much in the future. I hope that the babies will be well," she said.

Georgy Hubchev, the doctor who delivered the babies, told the state BTA news agency that this was only the second case in the world of a successful embryo transfer to a woman aged over 60 resulting in the birth of twins.

The world's oldest recorded mother is 70-year-old Indian Omkari Panwar, who gave birth to twins in 2008.

Are you familiar with the aura created when first drop of rain falls on ground? The smell speaks of serenity and purity. Those who are still living in mud houses know this very well. Coming from rural background, I am very well familiar with the sensation that appeals to all five sense at once. Lately use of local construction materials like mud is being promoted once again. Local NGO SPARC has started a mud houses projects in Lahore and have selected some functional mud houses in remote village Thatta Ghulamka Dheroka as show case giving mud house owners incentives to keep them spanking and open. This has created new chain of activities and people are seen renovating their houses (it is so easy to keep a mud house neat and new). These images showing women mud plastering exterior of their houses say a great deal.

Mud houses conventionally bring an image of ancient dwelling devoid of modern civic amenities. That is not true. Mud houses can be modern and fully equipped with all the facilities that are available anywhere. One wishes that urbanite revert back to use of energy efficient mud material, get closer to that nature and take advantages in urban areas so that this impression can be dispelled.

Tags: Marriage, Customes, Culture, Society, Relationship


Pakistan is a land of thousand faces, a country simply overflowing with cultural richness. Whatever the preferences, a wedding in Pakistan is good display of customs, traditions, many of which are heavily influenced by foreign customs. Marriage is an important social celebration and people participate with passion and enthusiasm. The rites are imbued with a certain sentiment appeal.

Demographically, Pakistan is divided in rural hinterland and urban areas. Common among marriages in rural and urban areas are Mangnee, Mayoon, Mehndi, Nikah, Valima and living happily ever after. But the way these colorful rituals are performed greatly vary.

Rural areas of Pakistan still remain a largely conservative society, where many young people shy away when it comes to marriages. Exceptions apart, arranged marriages are a cornerstone of rural society. It remains the responsibility of parents and marriages are mostly among people within the same tribe, caste, community, family or locality.


This is what happens in rural areas with some minor changes from place to place: After initial understanding and covert messages between families of prospective spouses, the boy's relatives visit the girl's family and offer the proposal, on formal acceptance the "mangni" (engagement) takes place, marriage date is fixed, groom, with friends and relatives goes to the house of the bride in the form of barat (marriage procession) where the nikah (social contact) is performed. The consent of the bride and the groom to the marriage (ijab and qabool) in the presence of at least two witnesses is obtained to solemnize the contract as per the commandment of divine Islam. Guests are served with sumptuous food (notwithstanding what the law of the land says about the feast). Groom brings home his the bride. This is followed by Walima. Life goes on . . .

Moreover, on the arrival of barat, the dowry is displayed for every one to see and at the same place groom's female relatives show what they have gifted (jewellery and clothing) to the bride. Both sides glorify the gifts. Paradoxically, in Punjab, a night earlier than the marriage date, groom visits homes of his friends and relatives where he is offered money. Other gifts mostly in the form of money (salami) or garlands made of currency notes are presented when groom gets ready for going to bride's home. Customarily, groom dresses up in attire presented to him by one of his sisters and in return, he gives to his sister(s) what she demands. There are no marriage halls and the congregations take place in homes and or community centres (called Daras). There are no caterers. Local tradesmen prepare food and serve.

As per the available statistics, divorce rate in the rustic areas is comparatively lower. The core join family system is still in tact and that is one of the reasons for low divorce rate. At the other hand, marriages at very young age, consanguineous marriages, marriages without consent of the partners and cross marriages are common.

There is not much of a variation in the core marriage ceremonies in urban areas, only the way they are performed differ. In the cities, the assertive sons and daughters of an educated middle-class are finding new ways of meeting their match. Although many still have arranged marriages, it is no longer unheard of for couples to marry after having fallen in love or meting over the Internet or in a TV show. Court marriages are also not very uncommon.

Difference in thinking between modern urban elites and traditional rural families is reflected in marriages in many ways. Norms in the urban society have changed over the years and they are on the constant move. Vulnerable to satellite TV, Internet, higher education and affluence, urban population is open and highly receptive to the waves of modernity. Unlike in the past, the selection of marriage partners now is done from the groups that are similar in social characteristics. In present times, urbanites are now most likely to marry individuals who are in similar social group, educational attainment and social class.

Another interesting pattern that is now visible is the strong influence of the western society, which has now trickled down its norms to our youth who have proudly inculcated them into being 'ours'. People in urban areas are slowly but surely moving towards the conjugal family system from our traditional and inherited consanguine system. Twenty years ago the scenario in Pakistani cities was quite the contrary.

Families in urban areas are strongly influenced by the environment and by technology in particular. To take a historic overview, as Pakistani society industrialized some 25 years ago, families lost their old patterns and received changed values. This resulted among other things, in smaller families in urban areas of Pakistan. In addition many of the functions, once attributed to the families became the responsibilities of other institutions and individuals. It was because of the shift to a more formal societal structure that romantic love is replaced by economic and social reasons as a factor influencing the choice of a marriage partner. The role of women has also changed as the family is losing control over the destinies of its female members.

Matchmaking by the third party is a preferred way now. This has given rise to match making business. Interested people are asked to provide details of eligible sons and daughters, as well as their requirements from a spouse and matchmakers do rest of he job. Marriages take place at marriage halls and hotels instead of homes. Dowry, usually, is sent to the bride's home before the marriage.

The affluence and wealth makes a large difference in weeding ceremonies, in rural as well as urban areas. The more people have, the more elaborate are the rituals. But spirit everywhere remains the same.

Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for the New York Times Maureen Dowd is not new to readers of Light Within. With her sexy good looks and nonstop ability to weave words on themselves, she is said to be shy everywhere but on the page. BTW, Is she married now?

Feminism was never an old issue. Following her essay in The Times Magazine, which was adapted from her new book, "Are Men Necessary: When Sexes Collide," the author answers readers' questions on the past and future of feminism. Western and Easter societies look at feminism differently. What is your take on women opting out of the race (out of career) and future of feminism? This is not an old question. Is it? 

Previous Posts: What's a Modern Girl to Do and When Sexes Collide?

Technorati Tags: Men, Women, Relationship, Feminism, Maureen Dowd

From New York to Islamabad female cabbies are still news anywhere. And in Pakistan  female cabbie is ground-breaking. 

Remember how the New York Hack - blog by female New York cabbie – created waves before it died just after her fat book Hack off duty deal. Then we saw a book by a Pakistani cabbie titled For Hire. Cabbies always have interesting stuff to tell.

But Zahida Kazmi, a brave woman who have opted to drive taxi in Islamabad to support her family of six children - is by far only example in Pakistan as per my knowledge. She bought a yellow can on easy installments by a government scheme in 90's [when Pakistan was a little different and more tolerant] and started driving to pick the passengers.

Generally speaking, women in Pakistani society are perceived working as a teacher, nurse, salesperson or politicians but to deviate from the norm takes a lot of courage. To become a cabbie - a profession meant for the rough and tough and not the dainty - is hard but Zahida Kazmi took on the challenge. For a woman to enter the realm of men can pose a serious challenge to their monopoly. By becoming a cabdriver she is fighting the odds for nine years now. She has travelled all over the Pakistan and passengers feel much happy and comfortable to travel with her. “I am old now and I get tired. It's hard for me to drive all the time but what can I do, says Zahida Kazmi. [Posted from here]

Like other parts of the globe, World Hijab Day was observed across the country on Saturday to raise awareness about the rights of Muslim women, including wearing hijab. World Hijab Day is observed on September 4 to mark the gruesome murder of hijab-clad Egyptian woman Marwa Al-Sherbini by a German racist in courtroom that sent shock-waves among Muslims. Jama’at-e-Islami Women Wing organised rallies and demonstrations in major cities including Lahore to mark the day.

Unicast's "What Women Want From the Web Report" (pdf) Summer 2010, which polled 516 adult women, found 95% of women plan to go online, and 62% notice and/or interact with online advertising. Women aged 18-24 use the web more than other age groups for all activities except keeping up with news - 53% vs. 67% overall.